Allow me to introduce you to a friend: my sister and the author of Sugar Dish, a blog about baking cakes that are beautiful inside and out. If you like baking and making stuff and generally just rocking your shiz, check it out. And in case you think this individual sounds entirely too cool and clever (and good at photography) to in fact be related to me, I offer this evidence. Rest easy, FIYers, Sugar Dish is a kindred spirit!
Holidays
December: The Mitigated Successes, Part 1
Originally posted December 30th, 2012
I saw this recipe for orange bitters in my Sunset magazine and I was like, yes, that please.
So first I gather up ingredients. And this takes an entire day.
It begins when I decide to take a short hike in the morning, and I leave the house right after breakfast. And I realize on my way to the hike that I need to use the bathroom, and I’d rather do that before the hike. So I stop in at Von’s because I know they’ll have a public bathroom. (Oddly, I was doing so much running around about this time that I used the bathroom in no less than three different grocery stores in the span of one weekend. Weird, I know, but they’re pretty dependable to be honest.)
Anyway, I figure, while I’m here, why don’t I gather up my bitters ingredients? And that works pretty well except I can’t get Everclear at Von’s because I guess grain alcohol is kind of intense for a supermarket.
But I realize as I’m leaving the supermarket that there’s a BevMo in the same parking lot, and I’m like, that’s perfect. Of course, it’s Sunday morning at 9:45 and the liquor store doesn’t open until 10. But never mind. I’ll wait.
I wait outside the liquor store for the clerk to unlock the door, and I walk right in and ask for Everclear, and suddenly I realize that I just waited outside the liquor store on Sunday morning so I could buy grain alcohol. I explain to the clerk as I check out that I’m making bitters so he doesn’t think I have a problem. I’m not sure he believes me.
After my hike, I go to Whole Foods, where I find whole cardamom and star anise, also not available at Von’s. Then I go to Ace Hardware (which is THE place, FYI) and buy five half-pint mason jars, one quart mason jar, and one two-quart mason jar.
And I come home and get ready to mix this stuff up, and that’s when I realize that the warnings on this bottle of everclear are insane.
I can’t believe I’m using this stuff as anything other than some type of fuel AND giving it as a gift. But it’s too late. I’ve already embarrassed myself at BevMo and made myself find a parking spot at the abysmal Whole Foods, so there’s no going back.
I zest my orange and chop up my ginger and put everything in the medium sized jar.
Tip for failing this yourself: Do NOT stick your face in the jar at this point and expect it to smell like Christmas. It doesn’t smell like Christmas. It smells like grain alcohol.
Three weeks later, I come back with a cheese cloth and do my straining and boiling. And I melt the sugar, which does exactly what the instructions say it will do, and all is going fine.
This is the sugar water stuff cooling in a bowl of ice water. Neat, right?
Then I add it all together in one big jar.
At this point, it’s safe to stick your face in the jar and take a whiff. It will smell like Christmas. Actually, after cooking it on the stove, your whole kitchen will smell like Christmas.
Tip for failing it yourself: Don’t light the jar on fire and expect it to burn like a yule log. It won’t burn like a yule log. It will explode in your face like grain alcohol.*
After leaving it another five days, I come back and strain it all out again into a pitcher that usually holds my tongs and spoons and things.
Sans pitcher.
The Pitcher.
For the record, I washed all the new jars and the old pitcher before using them. Not that anything gross could have survived immersion in the grain alcohol, but just in case you’re wondering.
Then I pour it in five neat little jars.
They’re a little sticky, though, so after putting the caps on the jars I get a wet paper towel and wipe them all off.
And that’s when this project went from a smashing success to a success mitigated by 20% in a single smash.
Yay.
It’s ok, I can make another batch. I should start tomorrow. Should I drop by BevMo when it opens on New Years Eve and snag some more Everclear? Yep. Good Plan.
*I don’t know this from experience. But you should trust me on this. I mean, I did read the warning labels, didn’t I?
Fail It Yourself 